The following example is provided for learning purposes only. This example is not based on real people and any similarity to real people is not intended.

Dispute Between Grandmother and Mother

Clara called the Community Mediation Center hoping that a neutral third party might help her find a way to establish regular visits with her five year old grandson, Nathan. Clara had tried by phone to discuss with her Daughter-in-Law, Ginny her desire to spend time with Nathan. These calls always created more tension and ended in frustration and unhappiness for both. Clara and the intake worker with the mediation center agreed that the intake worker would call Ginny to explain the mediation process and invite her to try mediation. Ginny reluctantly agreed to a single mediation session.

After a brief introduction in which both parties signed an Agreement to Mediate, the Mediator encouraged Clara and Ginny to talk about the conflict in their own way. With considerable emotion each explained the problem as they saw it. Clara had not seen her grandson for almost two years. Besides her strong wishes to be an active Grandmother in Nathan’s life she felt that being a part of the extended family would be very good for Nathan. She acknowledged that her son, Carl, Nathan’s father, who was in a drug treatment program, had created havoc for Ginny and Nathan for many years. She didn’t condone his behavior but did not want her family and Nathan to be punished for Carl’s life choices.

Ginny and Carl had been divorced for two years. For the last several years of their marriage Carl had been irresponsible, unpredictable and violent at times. Ginny said that she did not have anything against Clara and her family. Clara had always been a good person and loving Grandmother. She agreed that it would be good for Nathan to spend some time with his father’s family. However, Nathan had been traumatized by his father’s behavior. He was just settling in to a stable and safe life. Until Carl was clean and sober Ginny was adamant that for a long time she did not want Nathan to be anyplace where Carl could turn up.

With the mediators help Ginny and Clara were able to understand and appreciate the other’s view of the situation. They gained some insight into why the other had behaved as they did. With considerable work they were able to construct a plan that allowed Nathan to spend time with his Grandparents and that also assured Ginny that Nathan would be safe. Initially they agreed that Ginny and the Grandparents would do a number of activities together, like trips to the zoo or out to eat. Then Nathan would visit with the Grandparents in their home when Carl was not on leave from the treatment center. They agreed on how they would communicate in the future to plan ongoing visits. This plan was written up by the mediator and signed by Clara and Ginny.

This was a problem solving process that respected the needs of each individual. They were able to extract themselves from the ongoing anger and frustration of the conflict. They felt hopeful that the new plan would be good for them all. Eventually they hope to use a similar process to develop a plan for Nathan to spend time with his father when it is clear that Carl is safely able to have contact with his son.

Next Example: Neighbors in conflict

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